You know why you feel so lousy?

'Cause you have pneumonia, that's why. Get off the darn internet and take your pills.

How do you argue with "you SOUND better"

Slept half the night on Hubby's recliner, hoping that the seated position would help. Didn't. Woke up this morning, took an old antibiotic I found in my desk. Immediately regretted it as reckless self-medication.

Blood sugar normal, this morning, and I haven't gained any of the weight I've lost, but I still feel genuinely icky. Hubby all but insisted, before he left for work, that I go to an actual doctor and get fixed. Which I shall do, today, because I feel like death on toast. Really stale, soggy toast. Death is hating the itchy toast.

So Mom called today, wanting to know when we can come up for anniversary/birthday dinner. I suggested it might be a couple of weeks, because I still feel really sick and Hubby is also sick, now. But, to Mom, I SOUND better, over the phone.

I have to hook her up with all the people who see me in real life and tell me I need to get back in bed. Honest! I am sick. Not pretending, not weaseling out of dinner with my parents, just actually sick as a sick dog, and maybe slightly sicker than that.

Sick and tired of being sick and tired

The whole family has been coughing, off and on, for more than a month. We do this every winter, no matter how much vitamin C and exercise and constant humidification we attempt. It's just part of winter.

Except, this time, I got hit HARD. I have been coughing pretty much non-stop, since Friday. Exhausted. Whiney. Cough-til-you-gag-and-your-ribs-ache. At certain parts of the day, my hands puff up. When they go down, my stomach bloats until I can't zip my pants...and then that resolves itself, too, with, um, unpleasant results. I'm hot. I'm cold. I can't breathe. I've gotta lie down. I'm just waiting to choke on my own vomit. On Saturday, I even managed a Cinderella-like hallucination.

Finally, here it is Tuesday, and I am on the mend. Surely not functional, but at least I can see it around the corner. So, naturally, Hubby had the cough of death this morning. Perhaps in part because he has been working like a dog AND running the house while I recouperate--even hosting a birthday sleepover for Son #3, who is, he says, "Twerve".

God help us all.

Pugs: Pain in the butt, or just universally odd?

I am relieved, I guess, to see that other people's pugs are just as mental as my own.

I'm for it, if it cuts both ways

Miss a parent-teacher meeting? This guy says parents should be charged with a crime, and fined.

I'm only recently back in the school system, but when we were sending all the Sons to school, I never missed a meeting with school staff. Got stood up quite a bit, though. It was a big factor in our leaving the public school system in the first place--just couldn't get teachers to meet with us about what to do with our son. If teachers were charged with the same crime for skipping a meeting, I think I could stand behind it.

It's easy to say parents are not good enough. Every parent knows they're not good enough. But holding teachers accountable? Ain't never gonna happen.

Too many Jews in one room?

Check out beloved saint Jimmy Carter's irrational opinions on, not just Jews, but people who sound like they COULD be Jews.

The Other School

Ever since Son #1 returned to public school, we have discussed the social ills he has seen there. Many of them (the threat of violence, the disrespect for teachers and learning, the racial epithets, the aspiration to welfare cheater status) have been neatly summed up in the person of one particular classmate. This kid scares me.

As I have shared Son #1's stories with my friends, the general consensus has been that this type of problem, this type of student, is to be found only at the school my son attends. The Other School, the Better School in the Nicer Neighborhood, doesn't have these issues, because people like him do not go there.

Yesterday, Son #1 came home with the news that Mr. Future Baby-daddy is no longer causing problems in class. He transferred, last week, to The Other School.

So, good luck over there, guys.

UPDATE: It turns out Mr. Future Babydaddy was not transferred, after all. He just SAID that, to the teacher, so he could hide out in the bathrooms all day. Sweet.

In light of California's new "anti-spanking" bill...

Here are a list of other things I would never do with my cat:

Breastfeed
Make it wear a diaper
Push it in a stroller
Take it to the park
Take it out for lunch
Encourage it to sleep at night
Let it eat off of the dining room table
Read it bedtime stories
Let it eat from my spoon
Play ring-around-the-rosie
Teach it it's wrong to kill someone for fun
Make it different meals, several times each day
Invite it's friends over to play
Call my mom to tell her about something adorable the cat did
Make it wear clothes
Take it to concerts, museums, the county fair and the beach
Trick-or-Treat
Apply temporary tattoos
Give it it's own bedroom

Perhaps this (along with all the other glaring omissions on my pet parenting list) makes me a terrible cat owner. But trust me, I love my cats. I even kinda like my dog.

And I'm not particularly pro-spanking. Son #2 was spanked, once. Sons #3 and 4 probably got spanked, I guess, along the way, although I don't actually remember any specific incidents. Son #1 could have used a lot more spanking than he got, but really it just was not my way of raising him.

And, yes, I have seen people whale on their kids in a way that seemed abusive, or at the very least ineffective.

The point is, people are not cats. We have different ways of dealing with our children than our pets. And people who don't have children shouldn't tell me how to parent, any more than I should tell you how to raise your bird.

Palpitationista

This whole "motherhood" gig is, currently, on my last nerve. I need a few days where I am not in charge of the minutiae of children's lives. You know, the "did you do your math-did you make your bed-did you brush your teeth-stop hassling your brother-eat a piece of fruit-I TOLD you to put your laundry away-this essay is too short-Wonder Bread is not a vegetable and you know it" that is my personal Gregorian chant.

I am sick of it.

I hate nagging people. I would rather do things myself, I would even comfortably see things not get done, if the alternative is to nag. Unfortunately, as Mom, I am required by God, the Universe, the State of Maryland and human decency to do what I can to train these boys up to be responsible citizens.

Which basically means that nagging, and watching over, and correcting, and waiting, and reminding, and watching, and waiting, and bobbing back and forth between all the boys for my every waking moment, is the life I chose. Which sucks.

What do I want?

I want the boys to wake up with out me having to bang on their door or hover over their beds. I want them to make their beds, shower without using up all the hot water, and get breakfast before 8:30 without me saying anything. This would make daily trips to the gym not just possible, but enjoyable.

I want them to start their school work, and work steadily on it, without talking much aside from asking me for clarification. I want them to turn in completed assignments without nagging from me. I want them to check the chore chart on the fridge, and DO the chores, without nagging from me. I want trash in the trash can, laundry in the hamper, dishes in the dishwasher and deodorant on the armpits. This would make keeping the house clean a simple chore, and family outings easy to arrange.

I want them to eat the dinner I prepare, without complaining. That would make cooking feel less a waste of time.

All in all, I feel like I'm not asking for all that much, really. Just enough to make homelife pleasant, instead of a constant pulling of teeth. If they would just do what they need to do, without so much of the dragged-backward-through-the-hedges drama, I know they'd find they'd have a huge chunk of free time every day, too, and a mom who isn't on their case. It's a total winner.

On the other hand, I might as well expect a million dollars to fall out of my purse.

MLK Day

Son #3 woke up, confirmed the date, and said, "We celebrate Martin Luther King Day by not going to school. I'm SURE Martin Luther King would just lovethat.

Thanks, Noodle Man

The inventor of Ramen died last week. The Sons and I staged an official moment of silence.

What was Mom-mom thinking?

In honor of Christmas, my boys each received what Son #1 calls, "The gayest candy EVER."

Parents don't need this advice!

We're being told to limit children's use of noisy toys? Good God, I've been trying to send that memo to the grandparents for fifteen years.

Talking with the teachers

After hearing all the rumours about Great Mills High School, and then having Son #1 come home and confirm all those rumours in anecdotes great and small, Hubby and I have been a little uneasy about the whole experience.

Over the past week or so, I have met personally with 2 of his teachers, and am very impressed with both. They have a firm grasp of who Son #1 is, and are willing to do whatever it takes to see him do well in class. And they like him.

Last night, in the car, Son #1 was telling me about his friends at school. One, in particular, was annoying him, because "He treats girls just like Mercutio did, in Romeo & Juliet!" He kept on relating the stuff he'd learned in English class to his high school social scene. It was awesome. So, naturally, I had to email his teacher about it. Because I know that his written work is not generally indicitive of his mental grasp of material.

She emailed me back, thrilled with his comments about the play. She obviously feels the way I do, that he is getting the material on a deeper level. She also told me he is "a joy to have in class".

Did you hear that? MY SON, that one, is a joy to have in class. I am so happy to see someone else knowing him and feeling that joy. He's a great kid. I think, maybe, that crazy, chaotic, "bad" school is going to be a good place for him.

Sex Ed!

Today, I am going to the school to approve Son #1's participation in Sex Ed. Oh, joy...

I'm trying to imagine just what this would look like

Apparently, Muslims are developing more negative attitudes towards America.

So, bombing our buildings, killing our civilians at home and abroad, attacking the Cole, flying innocents into the World Trade Center, etc, etc, ET FRICKIN' CETERA: that was all just a mildly miffed Muslim world. NOW, they're REALLY angry.

I can hardly wait to see what THAT is gonna mean.

problem solved!

I found cucumber flavored, unsweetened bottled water at Target today. It is perfect.

Perfect because it is unsweetened. I am getting enough sweet in cookie form, these days.

But especially perfect because of that magic word, "cucumber", on the side of the bottle. I'll never have to share this with any kid. It's an iron-clad guarantee!

Public School Quotes of the Week

Son #1 reported that one of his fellow students never does his homework. He doesn't participate in classroom discussions. He doesn't pay attention to lectures. He curses at the teacher and shouts during class. He often skips class altogether. This week, his teacher had had enough, and asked the kid what he expected to be able to achieve in life, with that kind of attitude.

"I'm gonna make as many babies as I can, and the government will give me money for every one, and people like you will pay for it."


Also this week, his health teacher said, "Most people can handle marijuana". Is that so? Most people can smoke marijuana and have no ill effects? Like, getting arrested, or becoming a slit-eyed no-account loser, or just having their skin develop that ashy sheen? If marijuana is so damn great, maybe they should pass it out to everyone. I'm thinking the schools are only about a hair's breadth away from that, anyway.

Am I talking to feel my lips waggle? #73

Me: "I told Uncle to come for Thanksgiving dinner around 2, so why don't you come at 2?"

Mom: "Your father says we'll be there at noon."

Abortion--it's all about the repeat business

So a study is out saying that a lot of women who have abortions have more than one.

This is not news to me, as the first person I ever met who mentioned having had an abortion, told me that she had had five of them. The study also found a significant proportion of women having abortions were over 30, already had living children, and were using birth control when they got pregnant.

The planned parenthood people, naturally, say that what this means is abortion clinics need to be telling women about birth control. But that the big, bad, conservatives won't let them.

First of all, that is bullshit. Saying that doctors can't tell woman to have an abortion is not the same as telling abortionists they can't encourage a woman NOT to have one.

Secondly, it kinda busts the image of the pathetic young girl too naive to avoid pregnancy. These are women who know all about it, and still choose to kill their children. That is disturbing. Too bad becoming a mother the first time around didn't teach these women that as adults you've got to deal with the cards you've been dealt.

And, lastly, yeah, there's the whole "birth control doesn't always work" thing. Some of us are just really fertile. But that isn't a license to kill, Ms. Bond.