Because I Once Lived Overseas

Hubby and I lived in Thailand for a little over three years. Son #1 was born there.

When people hear this, they very often say something about how it must have been an amazing, life-changing experience. And it was. But to be honest, many of the changes were not all that huge and meaningful. So, hey, here's a handful.

Because I once lived overseas:

I wear jeans all summer. Hardly ever bother to buy shorts. About halfway through my spin class, I start to sweat like I used to sweat, standing around at work in Thailand. So, you know, it's not that hot, ok?

I don't need a tan. Thais think pale skin is beautiful. They like big noses, too. Somehow, though, that combination did not turn me into The Sex Goddess of Thailand. But, hey, at least I will probably not be all wrinkly and cancerous when I am 60.


I make really good fried rice. I have a few other dishes I can whip up, but the fried rice was the hardest one to learn how to do. I had no idea it would be so difficult. So I am especially proud of it. Come over, and I'll make you some.

I was once kicked out of a women's clothing store for being so fat they had nothing to offer me, and the saleslady was afraid I would scare off customers. At the time, I weighed 120 lbs and was an American size 9.


I have cursed a man out for copping a feel. People in Thailand assume, thanks to Hollywood, that American women will fuck anything. So, you know, if you sit next to the bus driver, he will grab whatever he can reach. That happened enough times that I stopped sitting next to the bus driver :) One day, I was walking with Son #1, who was an EXTREMELY ADORABLE baby, if I may say so myself, and a man asked to hold him. This happened ALL the time. Thai people LOVED Son #1. As well they should.

Turns out, though, that the man only wanted to hold my baby as an excuse to run his hands across my chest, at length, when he returned said baby to me.

I yelled at him. Something along the lines of, "Hey! Don't do that! That's rude!" But then I realized: I am way angrier than that. And I do not know how to communicate that, in Thai. I did not know a single Thai obscenity. But you know what? I knew a LOT of them, in English. And I let him hear every last one of them. At top volume. While jabbing my finger at him with one hand, and holding my baby on the opposite hip. Boy, did he apologize. I backed that man down the street for quite some time, and didn't care HOW rude I was being to him or WHAT anyone else might think. That was SOME FUN.


I know what it feels like to be tall. When I got off the plane in Bangkok, I could see over just about everyone. It was awesome. I loved being tall. Because at 5'3", I do not get that experience very often at all. It was, I will say, fantastic, except for one time. And that is a story for another post.


I have no sympathy for illegal aliens. We knew a guy who let his visa lapse, in Thailand. All of us, every foreigner he knew, let him know that he was being irresponsible and stupid, and that he was disrespecting Thai law. We gave him boatloads of grief, until he got his visa stamp and was legal again. Yes, people have lots of lovely reasons for what they do. I don't care. My family came here legally. I lived abroad legally. Get in line, folks.

There are probably lots more things I could mention, here, but...this is just a blog break before I get back to work. May Deadlines kick my butt something royal, every year, and this is no exception. So, hey, maybe I will do this again, sometime.