Friday, May 26, 2006

Why do I pick at old, psychic sores?

Sometimes I find myself googling people I haven't seen in years. People who, if they showed up on my doorstep, I would not be happy to see. Why do I do this?

Why do I have this compulsion to check up on people who have been so hurtful in the past? Why am I concerned with people who did their level best to make my life less than it is today?

I know I don't want to deal with them, don't want to talk to them, don't want to follow their path for me. But for some reason I feel the need to reach out for them a little bit, just to make sure they are around, and OK, in their way.

Sometimes I don't make any sense, even to myself.


Mark G. Payge said...

Hello Christine

Preoccupation with my negative past is a powerful magnet for me - like you, I don't think it's an essential deviation. For me it is a really strong driving force for my resentment, a debilitating force that has dogged my life. And interestingly, the biggest killer of alcholics, according to AA founder Bill Wilson. Even more deadly than the booze itself.

Thanks so much for the comment, it really made my morning. I feel that I've been initiated into the blogosphere ;o)


Christine said...

Yes, I can only imagine the effects of a bellyful of scotch AND a full-on wallow. Not good. Thanks for commmenting!