Saturday, June 28, 2008

What makes a rabbit faster than a cat?

Thursday afternoon I looked out my front door and saw a rabbit, frozen in terror behind my unsuspecting cat.

They stayed like that for a long time. The cat actually turned around and looked back toward the house, and didn't even see the rabbit--he was that still. I swore I could read his little rabbit thoughts.

"Oh SHIT! Cat's gonna eat me if I move! Cat might eat me if I stay still! Oh, SHIT! It's a CAT!"

Eventually, the cat turned and started for the rabbit. And the rabbit took off, and made a clean escape.

Because no matter what the rabbit may have thought, he had the advantage all along.

Our Jake didn't need that rabbit. He has plenty of food in the house that he doesn't even have to chase. But that rabbit? He only has one life. That shit will make you want to RUN.

So, rabbits, take it from me. The cat's not going to catch you. You need it more than he does.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

The Shoemaker and the Anti-Elves

Remember The Shoemaker and the Elves? Every night the poor shoemaker and his wife would go to sleep, and every morning they would wake to find his work done--and prosperity building. We don't have elves. We have teenagers.

That means that every morning I wake to find they've been cooking. Dishes everywhere. I have to clean the kitchen, before I can do anything in there, like, say, cook.

And as of yesterday, we also have ants. Because, you know, sealing food up in tupperware or a ziploc bag is for boring, old people who don't have, like, better stuff to do, man. God.

So please IM me, or email me, or call. I shall have my laptop in the kitchen all day, while I eliminate the infestation.

Maybe I'll bake some sacrificial sweet goods, too, so they won't have a need to make their own, come midnight.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Wedding Photos: The Delete Key Is My Friend

Yesterday was my first "assistant to the wedding photographer" gig. It was fun. Mostly, I just scurried around behind the photographer, making sure she had everything she needed. But I also had Hubby's camera with me, so whenever I was not fetching CF cards and diet Coke or opening church doors to let in the light, I could shoot whatever pictures I saw.

She doesn't care if I send her my photos, or not. She took a boatload, and they are going to be great. My stuff, it is all just practice, for me. But I think I got a couple that I really like. I'll send them to her, anyway.

In the mean time, I am looking over the 400 or so pictures I brought home yesterday, to eliminate all but the ones that I think she might like.

She paid me in cash (this time) hugs, and a warning that if I really get into this, I am going to HAVE to make good money at it, because the equipment costs so much.

Friday, June 20, 2008

Busted: Hubby Found My Stash

Hubby leaned over my desk today and noticed, for the first time, my giant wicker basket of lip products. He was SHOCKED.

"What IS all that stuff? For a woman who never wears makeup, you sure have a lot."

Which is true. But, hey, I am wearing lip balm, or lipstick, or lip gloss, or a combination, almost all the time. Here is my complete collection, minus the lip gloss that was in my purse. And, to be fair, I received almost all of it for free or cheap, through Makeup Alley swaps.

Now let us never speak of it again.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Overheard in a bathroom trailer at the ZZTop Concert

You know those nasty, plastic porta-potties they set up at outdoor events? Once in a while, there is also a slightly more upscale option--the restroom trailer.

Hubby never uses the trailers, because there is a line. But as a woman, well, I would rather use a bathroom that looks like a bathroom. I explained the nastiness of having to hover in a porta-potty, face inches from the door and swathed in unflushable fumes. He kinda gets it, but of course he is able to stand, so....I hit the trailers alone, generally in a line of other picky women.

And sometimes that really pays off.

Overheard in the trailer at the ZZTop Concert:
"Wow! These hardwood floors are beautiful! They're better than ours!"

"Yeah, this trailer is nicer than the trailer you had, in West Virginia!"

"Look, they have those really nice paper towels, too."

When the artificial hardwood floors in a portable restroom trailer are that impressive, well, I'm I'm glad to be in the next stall. Gotta enjoy life.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008


Saw ZZTop last night. In the wise words of a good friend, "Doesn't a Tuesday night concert make for a rough Wednesday morning?"

Yes, it does. Even though we were in bed before midnight and slept 'til 7, Hubby and I are pretty sluggish this morning. It was fun, though. Got to hang out with Hubby's singer and his girlfriend.

We weren't allowed to bring Hubby's camera, so he held my little Canon PowerShot above the crowd for grainy pictures.

TAGGED! 7 Songs

That's what I get for reading Nexy's blog every day...

List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they’re not any good, but they must be songs you’re really enjoying now, shaping your spring-summer. Post these instructions in your blog along with your seven songs. Then tag seven other people to see what they’re listening to.

Dixie Chicken, by Little Feat
Cheap Sunglasses, by ZZTop
Mr Tambourine Man, by Bob Dylan
Fried Neck Bones, by Santana
Layla, by Eric Clapton
Wake Up Alone, by Amy Winehouse
Never Gonna Change by Drive By Truckers

And in that fine Nexy tradition, if you're reading this, consider yourself tagged.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

That was a compliment, right?

Hubby and I went to The Country Store to see a couple friends from Blues Jam perform with their country band, Alibi. It was fun. Saw several people from Blues Jam, and I got to dance a bit.

Also interesting--some guy from the bar (apparently a regular, but what do I know? I only go there to see bands) stopped me on the way to the ladies' room and talked to me for a while...Then one of his friends came by and gave me a long hug.

"I figured, since you were talking to him, you were one of my friends, too," he said. If that wasn't a terrific line, I don't know one.

Then the first man pointed to the guy who hugged me and said,

"He likes women like you. Strong, muscular, hard-bodied women with big legs."

This is not something I have heard before. I am not entirely sure how to take it. But, hey, I guess anything that starts with "He likes women like you..." is probably a compliment.

It is, right?

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Can I be a winner AND a loser, this weekend?

I won! I won! Mad William is giving me half of "Oceanic Windows". I love it, and am thrilled. Surf on over there and tell him he is great.

Also of note: last night, I cleaned my fridge. Because, you know, it was Friday night and I know how to party. Hey, you laugh, but if you want some pot roast you know EXACTLY where to find it.

Friday, June 13, 2008

Blues Jam

Last night was blues jam. Y'all know I love it. My favorite song of the night? Hubby, Matt Kelley, and I-don't-remember-who-else, playing "I Found A New Love" by Magic Sam. Don't have that on video, couldnt' find Magic Sam's version, either, sooooo...please to enjoy this band I've never heard before, because they are the only guys on youtube that I could find singing it.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Mission: Impossible

Hubby IMed me around 7:30 this morning. He'd been working much of the night and needed to catch a quick nap before heading in to the office, late. Could I make him coffee at 9:30 and bring it down, if he's not awake by then?

"No Problem," you say. And that is because you are ignorant.

Hubby is deaf in one ear. Completely, profoundly deaf. Mumps, as an adult, will do that. He is also, as you remember, a musician. So his other ear ain't hearing the distant twittering of tiny songbirds, either.

He put in several exceedingly long days in a row. So he is exhausted.

He is locked in his office.

He is the only person who has a key.

So, at 9:30 I made him coffee and brought it downstairs. Every half hour, or so, I go back down to thud on the door and shout his name until both my hands hurt. In between times, I call his cell phone. But he is just not waking up. At some point, he will roll over, his good ear will be away from the pillow, and my frantic door banging and shouting will have an effect. 'Til then, I'm just annoying the Sons.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Judas Priest on a Pony

Today I took 3 of the Sons to the pediatrician. That meant I spent 90 minutes looking at this padded table. Looks comfy, doesn't it?

Then I went for happy hour with Hubby's coworkers. Rode the motorcycle, which is always a blast, but gives me Crazy Biker Chick Hair. Really, I should slap on some leather chaps and take a photo.

(I do not own leather chaps. Do not expect said photo. Just, you know, imagine the crazy hair.)

And then I drove Son #1 to pick up his girlfriend, north of us, to drive them both to the library, south of us. I dropped off the paper recycling, near the library. And on the way home I stopped for milk and gasoline, because all this driving does tend to suck down the fuel.

This is the most I've ever spent to fill up my minivan. Judas Priest on a pony, I just about choked.

And, yes, I have wanted to work that particular colorful phrase into conversation ever since Hubby's guitarist said it, this past Saturday night.

Friday, June 06, 2008

I'm Almost Famous

Hubby and I occasionally play "I'm Almost Famous". This is easier when you don't know each other well, but we still manage a round now and then.

It goes like this:

I'm almost famous because:
My uncle Richard used to work closely with Robert Redford
My uncle Phil is friends with Sylvester Stallone's father AND brother
Hubby's drummer went on to play with Branford Marsalis (that one is just for hubby---tooo tangential for ME to claim!)

And, today, I am almost famous because I am wearing a T-shirt sent to me by my brother-in-law, which was sent to HIM by his good friend, Boomer Esiason. I realize that I am tired and unkempt and am wearing a big, baggy tshirt and a baseball cap and I look ridiculous, is fun having a brother in law with Interesting Friends.


Thursday, June 05, 2008

And the word of the day is: FUBAR

Got an email, earlier this week, asking me to write a travel piece about a town about an hour from here.

"They'll gather everyone you need to interview, so you can hit them all at once. Just tell me when you can be down, and I'll set it up."

You know how Dad always told you that "if it sounds too good to be true, it is"? Well, that also applies to "if it sounds reasonable, it's too good to be true."

I showed up at the appointed place, a few minutes early. And as it turned out, "gathered" is not what I would have thought. "Gathered," in this case, meant that I was able to ride around town on a golf cart for the next 7 hours, going from business to business, explaining to each of them in turn who I am (the freelancer in charge of editorial, who is not going to be working on any of the future issues) and who I am not (the advertising staff who have been jerking you around and taking your money for months).

I then asked the same few questions, got, for the most part, the same few answers, took a few photos and moved on.

I ate lunch at one of the worst restaurants in town, because they offered me a free lunch--and because they pretty much insisted I avoid the places known for their food, because Those Places Hadn't Paid For Advertising. Why Should They Get Anything?

I then took a winery tour (and discovered I actually like a couple varieties of wine, MUCH to my surprise) and rode yet ANOTHER golf cart, this time around an actual golf course, looking for something to photograph which was not a rolling expanse of green grass. Because, you know, that doesn't look like much, in a small, black-and-white photo.

Then I rushed home.

Hubby was ordering pizza, THANK GOD. Because I had no desire to cook. NONE.

Sons #1, 3 and 4 were chattering continuously, while I tried to check my email and my cell phone messages (my cell battery died while I was golf-carting around).

I am a bit on the beat side, but I think I will be able to write a good article, and I may also have created some much-needed goodwill for the newspaper people, who had pretty much cheesed off an entire town.


Oh, and, "Hi ALF!"

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Thanks, Penelope! An Addendum

Hubby read my "Thanks, Penelope!" post and wanted to know what made me cry, on Friday. He is a little concerned that the blogosphere be under the impression that he is the kind of husband who lets his wife cry.

So let me make it clear to all and sundry that they were just a few fleeting tears of orgasmic joy. My Man made me very happy, and all is right with the world, ok?

Take THAT, Sue!

Greenbelt Blues Festival! WOOOOO!

A day of live blues music.
Outside, where I can bring the Sons.
All arranged by a dear friend who, on top of everything else, rushes home from seeing me to tell his girlfriend I look HOT.

For the love of God and all that is holy, WHY ON EARTH would I not be excited about attending the Greenbelt Blues Festival this Saturday?

I know my friend Greed can't be there. Something about a grandchild's first birthday. OK. But the rest of you? You have no excuse. Even you, Penelope. Bass players abound. Totally worth the transatlantic flight. You can crash on our couch, and play backgammon with Hubby.

I mused aloud to a friend of mine, the other day, "Hmmmm....I wonder if I will have the nerve to dance at the Festival in front of my kids, the way I do at Blues Jam at the Country Store? He did not even have to think.

"No. You won't. Ha!"

Probably for the best. Right, Greed?

Thanks, Penelope!

Penelope hearts me. But I can't paste her icon. But, hey, I feel hearted. Enough to steal her meme:

1. What time did you get up this morning? 5:50
2. Diamonds or pearls? Diamonds - I have both but almost never wear the pearls.
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Iron Man
4. What is your favorite TV show? The Office. I would love to see the Brit version.
5. What do you usually have for breakfast? Frozen Mocha
6. What is your middle name? Elizabeth
7. What food do you dislike? Oysters
8. What is your favorite CD at the moment? All together now, folks: "I Think I Made It" by ACME Blues Company
9. What kind of car do you drive? Nissan Quest (the Sons call it The Powerful Mom 5)
10. What is your favorite sandwich? Either hummus on wholegrain bread, or something with "spicy chicken" in the title
12. Favorite item of clothing? thongs
13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Doesn't matter to me, so long as I have my Man. And, um, no kids.
14. Favorite brand of clothing? I don't have one.
15. Where would you retire to? Somewhere within walking distance of the beach, great live music, and a fruit market.
16. What was your most recent memorable birthday? I turned 40 last fall. Like to die.
17. Favorite sport to watch? World's Strongest Man.
18. Furthest place you are sending this? (This originated as an email I think?)
19. Are you a morning person or a night person? Morning, when I don't have to ride herd on children
20. What is your shoe size? US 7.5
21. Pets? 1 idiot pug, 2 cats
22. What did you want to be when you were little? Journalist, or in advertising. I'm kinda doing that, a bit.
23. How are you today? Impatient
24. What is your favorite candy? Butterfingers? Not so much into candy, of late.
25. What is your favorite flower? Gardenias
26. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to? June 7--Greenbelt Blues Festival!
27. What is your full name? Can't say it here--the Sons would find my blog!
28. What are you listening to right now? Blessed silence.
29. What was the last thing you ate? Frozen Mocha
30. Do you wish on stars? Only in moments of desperation
31. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Hate these questions
32. How is the weather right now? Sunny and warming up
33. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Son #1's girlfriend
34. Favorite soft drink? Diet Coke
35. Favorite restaurant? Anyplace ethnic, or Dub's Roadhouse Grill
36. Hair color? Brown
37. What was your favorite toy as a child? tape recorder--I was gonna be Jessica Savitch
38. Summer or winter? Summer
39. Hugs or kisses? Kisses....mmmm...
40. Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate
41. Coffee or tea? Tea
42. When was the last time you cried? Friday afternoon.
43. What is under your bed? Dust bunnies and whatever Hubby drops back there
44. What did you do last night? Marveled at how Son #3 has taken over the laundry duties
45. What are you afraid of? Sharks. Drowning. Not being able to see. And Mediocrity
46. Salty or sweet? Both
47. How many keys on your key ring? 7
49. Favorite day of the week? Any day I get to go out dancing
50. Do you make friends easily? Yes I think so.