So, being a man must be a GREAT thing

I'm on vacation, soaking up the sun and sand, and naturally also flipping through Other People's Magazines. Martha Stewart Living's Feb '06 issue includes this little gem: making handmade washcloths using yarn and a child's loom. Are we nuts? Has my entire gender just lost it? Then again, they do look lovely...

Bling bling?

My mother in law gave me a large, pave diamond heart necklace for Christmas. It's lovely, it's clearly worth a ton, but I must admit I was hesitant to wear something so flashy. I have been wearing it, though, and just telling myself that I need to get past my conservative, frumpy self. Until this week, when Son #1 said, "That necklace is great! It looks just like something a basketball player would give his girlfriend!"

So, I am just oozing Urban Bling. Who'd a thunk?

A New Quest for Camelot

Today, the scrap dudes towed our old car away. It was a 1993 Nissan Quest, and though it served me well, it had become an embarrassing piece of crap, toward the end. I am, well, 99% thrilled to see it go. And happy, of course, to have the $50 cash in hand.

Then again, we bought it right after returning from Thailand...three of our kids came home from the hospital in that car...it is the first car I ever really drove, too. I am feeling a wee bit sentimental.

The Car is dead. Long live The Car!

Update! Update! Update!

Looked back over some recent posts and realized The Story Continued....

My fake nails are glorious, but need maintenance. Which they ain't gonna get. So, I am down to 5 fabulous nails and 5 stubby fingers. I refuse to remove the fakes before they leap off of their own accord, though. Good times...

Bat Guano is sold on eBay, but not my bat guano. So after my auction ended, gave it away.

And YES, it really was 15 lbs of toe. I walked out of two pairs of shoes today before finding some that would stay on my feet. Hopefully this will work its way up past my ankles, so I can start seeing more impressive benefits of all this weight loss...if I hit the 25 lb mark and the only thing that changes is the contents of my shoe rack, I will not be thrilled. Although, yes, I did notice recently that my feet had expanded, so I guess it's only fair that that fat goes first.

Again, it starts

Spurred on by my mother's Christmas Day comment (are you ALLOWED to have asparagus?) and my New Year's Day guano-weighing expedition to the top of the bathroom scale, I have been making some dietary changes. After 12 days, I am down 12 pounds. Which sounds fabulous, until you realize that I can't see a difference and my clothes are as tight as ever. Was this 12 pounds of toe? Of knuckle? Perhaps a sliver off of my forehead? Ugh.

At least I'm enjoying the food.

Bat Guano, and human clutter

We have a family of Mexican bats who summer in our attic every year. People generally react to this news with fear and revulsion, or, alternatively, joy and hand-flapping excitement at the thought of all that guano. Apparently, bats make a mighty fertilizer.

This winter, while the bats are away, we have decided to seal up their entryway. They can dangle and poop in the trees, instead of the attic. Today I scooped up the bat poop, or at least as much of it as I could get without actually picking it out of the insulation with my lovely, ladylike fingers.

I collected a 3 lb bag of bat poop.

Yes, you guessed it, bat poop is sold on eBay. So in the face of last week's de-cluttering success, I have my guano on auction.

Tell your friends! Woo!

What exactly is that de-cluttering success? I have several flat surfaces that I can actually see. I sent 7 bags to the thrift store, and threw out about 3 bags of broken toys. I sent a bag of easy readers to my young cousin, and have another bag's worth of paperbacks up for swap at www.makeupalley.com. I sold the snowman to my real estate-selling doppleganger, and made more than $50 on eBay on dumb videos and pointless nicknacks.

The house is still a pit. This fact amazes me. I feel like I deserve some sort of Publisher's Clearing House Clutter Removal Award, but instead I am still sidling through piles o'crap to get anywhere.

Feh, whaddya gonna do?