Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Dating Advice from my 16-Year-Old

Son #1 and The Girl have been together for 2 months. This is momentous, of course. And although The Girl's family is the source of concerned amusement, she herself seems like a very nice young lady, and she clearly makes Son #1 happy. So I am happy.

Today, Son #1 missed the bus, so we had some time in the car together. And this is what he had to say, after chuckling at the thought of Hubby and I once being young and in love and kissing in public and all that:

"I think dating is more luck, than skill. It's not hard, really. Ya just gotta not be angry with each other. Because if you love her, there is nothing to be angry about. And if you DO get angry, you should just talk it over with her. And if you're angry with each other all the time, well, maybe she is not the girl for you.

You need to be able to tell her how much you love her. All the girls I know have the problem that their boyfriends can't communicate. If you love her, you need to be able to tell her. And you need to be able to talk to her about how you think and feel and everything.

And random acts of kindness are good, too."

The Boy may spend half his waking life plotting the utter destruction of his three younger brothers, and his ultimate domination of the entire human race, but clearly he has some sense when it comes to women.

Also interesting, while I'm on the subject of The Girl:

She is afraid of me. Apparently I sound scary, on the phone. Probably because the only time she hears me on the phone is when she has called at some godforsaken hour and I pick up the phone to say "THAT IS IT!" But, hey, she hasn't called at 5 am since :)

The natural response to a girl who is afraid of me be nice to her, right? But unfortunately the flip side of "your mom scares me on the phone" is "your mom is too nice, in person". Because her mother's partner is "nice in person", but also bipolar and violent and prone to moving out and moving back in. So, you know, "nice in person", to this girl, is code for "and probably therefore crazy". So, I can't be nice to her to make up for my scary telephone persona.

Also a roadblock: The Girl's mother disapproves of me, and so The Girl is not allowed to spend time at our house.

For those who are keeping score:
The Girl is 13. Her mother is 27. Her father is, according to Son #1, "a very nice man, very smart, easy to talk to when he's sober, but effed up because of all the alcohol and drugs. It's really sad." And The Girl doesn't get to see him much, because she lives with her mom, and her mom's girlfriend, when said girlfriend isn't beating the tar out of her mom and moving out.

The Girl's grandmother is a former stripper. I met her briefly and she seemed like a very nice person, but...she is 51 and easily could pass for 80. And, of course, she raised The Girl's mom. 'Nuff said.

Last weekend, Son #1 went with The Girl and her mother to a local festival. They had a great time, even though The Girl's mother kept telling Son #1 that his penis was "too small for me! Maybe big enough for her, but too small for me!" and, when her bra started to irritate her, she removed her underwire and handed it to Son #1 "because you probably would appreciate it."

It's not that she's a lesbian, it's the fact that she is a man-hating lesbian who likes to tease adolescent boys about adult topics, that bothers me. Chick needs to learn to self-censor, I think.

THAT woman. SHE disapproves of ME.


Cynthia said...


Ok, glad to know DS #1 is that smart under the other facade, but the mom, holy bologna!!!

Anonymous said...

Holy crap!! I don't know where to start! She doesn't like you??? WTF!!
Your son sounds like a proper darling, and bless that girl if she turns out half way *normal* after that sort of upbringing. (No I don't mean the lesbian thing either, that's the least of her worries by the sounds of it!)

Sue said...

"The Girl is 13. Her mother is 27"


I'm 27. I have a nine-year old. I think *I* was too young...

Sue said...

I agree, she either has something wrong upstairs or is a state of arrested development and hasn't figured out that some things are just very inappropriate to say to minors.

That poor girl.

ALF said...

Holy crap! That poor girl. I am 27 and I have 0 kids. I'm not even as psycho as that lady. Why is life so unfair?

Mad William said...

I want to know what that girls mum thinks you have done that she doesn't approve of. That's messed up.

Although, having a kid at 14 could turn me off men too. If I were a woman of course.

Jill/Twipply Skwood said...

You know, it almost sounds like he's dating a friend of mine when she was 20 years younger...seriously. It's almost kind of eerie how much her family life seems like my friend's at her age...

At any rate...I wouldn't worry too much about what mom thinks of you. Sounds like it's just convenient for her to be able to take a little of her general life frustration out on you. I mean, she probably has it a'plenty to be handing out.

Anyway, hopefully Son 1's can navigate this one with as much thought and introspection and wisdom that he put into the dating comment. It seems like it has the potential to get a little...intense. Or something.