Friday, October 31, 2008
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
I Gave My Sole to the VA GOP
Brick, Veggie Blonde, Sons #3 and 4 and I had a great time in the rain at the Palin rally in Fredericksburg yesterday.
Lots of people wore red.
This woman in particular made my day: She caught me hopping a fence OUT of the press area (I did not realize I was IN the press area) and yanked my sleeve. When I nearly toppled onto her, and told her not to touch me, she freaked out...and apparently talked about me for the next 20 minutes. Later, I decided that fighting her, and getting arrested, would have been very cool. But Whaddya want? At least I can be snarky on my blog.
And no, I haven't lost my ability to spell. The sole of my shoe fell off on the hike back to the parking garage. Stylish, perhaps, but definitely not the choice for a rainy day.
Lots of people wore red.
This woman in particular made my day: She caught me hopping a fence OUT of the press area (I did not realize I was IN the press area) and yanked my sleeve. When I nearly toppled onto her, and told her not to touch me, she freaked out...and apparently talked about me for the next 20 minutes. Later, I decided that fighting her, and getting arrested, would have been very cool. But Whaddya want? At least I can be snarky on my blog.
And no, I haven't lost my ability to spell. The sole of my shoe fell off on the hike back to the parking garage. Stylish, perhaps, but definitely not the choice for a rainy day.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Field Trip
Today Sons #3 and 4 and I are picking up Veggie Blonde and Brick (and Son of Brick) to drive to Fredericksburg, VA to see Sarah Palin speak.
Yeah, I know. If you hate her, just humor me for the day.
Also planned--a trip to what is supposed to be the best Goodwill store, ever.
If I get any good pictures, I'll post them tomorrow.
Yeah, I know. If you hate her, just humor me for the day.
Also planned--a trip to what is supposed to be the best Goodwill store, ever.
If I get any good pictures, I'll post them tomorrow.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Snacks, but no crackers.
Today Hubby asked me to drive to Wheaton with his amplifier. I could tell he felt bad, sending me on a long drive, but...honestly I love to drive, and I love being in the DC 'burbs.
The repair place thought, briefly, that they'd be able to fix his amp while I waited, so I hit four (count 'em! four!) ethnic markets before finding out that no, the amp is going to require a lot more help and parts from distant lands.
I now have rose water and orange blossom water on my desk, and my wrists reek of orange blossoms.
I have halva, which is delicious, and 2 of the sons agree with me that it tastes just like insides of a Butterfinger bar. I am guessing that is where the Butterfinger people got the idea.
The freezer has all manner of frozen Asian meaty things, which I can just pop in the toaster oven. and I have Indian curry awaiting the microwave.
I have a bag full of a vegetable I buy in large part because the name sounds, to English-speakers, obscene. But, yeah, they are delicious, too. Points to anyone who can guess what they are.
I have cheese and meat from the Italian deli where my grandmother used to buy her refrigerated pizza dough. They still sell the dough. And I just discovered today that Hubby used to go there for lunch, in high school. Small world, man. I wonder if I ever saw him in there.
Unlike the Happy Boondocks, where I almost seem ethnic myself, in Wheaton I was clearly a member of the Boring White Minority. Which was interesting.
I am home, stuffed, beat, but satisfied. And already planning my next trip to The Big City...
The repair place thought, briefly, that they'd be able to fix his amp while I waited, so I hit four (count 'em! four!) ethnic markets before finding out that no, the amp is going to require a lot more help and parts from distant lands.
I now have rose water and orange blossom water on my desk, and my wrists reek of orange blossoms.
I have halva, which is delicious, and 2 of the sons agree with me that it tastes just like insides of a Butterfinger bar. I am guessing that is where the Butterfinger people got the idea.
The freezer has all manner of frozen Asian meaty things, which I can just pop in the toaster oven. and I have Indian curry awaiting the microwave.
I have a bag full of a vegetable I buy in large part because the name sounds, to English-speakers, obscene. But, yeah, they are delicious, too. Points to anyone who can guess what they are.
I have cheese and meat from the Italian deli where my grandmother used to buy her refrigerated pizza dough. They still sell the dough. And I just discovered today that Hubby used to go there for lunch, in high school. Small world, man. I wonder if I ever saw him in there.
Unlike the Happy Boondocks, where I almost seem ethnic myself, in Wheaton I was clearly a member of the Boring White Minority. Which was interesting.
I am home, stuffed, beat, but satisfied. And already planning my next trip to The Big City...
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Total Waste of Time FAQs
Before you contact us, please browse through the following FAQs; we may have already answered your question!
Where are the socks?
I think they are in Son #3 or Son #4's rooms. They don't wear socks all that much, so they tend to collect there.
Have you fed/walked the dog?
Yes. Don't listen to him, he lies.
Is Son #1 there?
No. If he were here, he would have answered the phone before I had a chance. He is at work.
How can you tell your cats apart?
Jake is bigger. He is rougher looking. He has a pointy face and a white spot on his hind foot. Ellie is soft, delicate, and feminine.
Were you trying for a girl?
No.
Who are you here with?
The bass player. Or, alternatively, the drummer. Because Hubby can do both.
Where did you get those shoes?
The thrift store. Almost always. Some chick with fantastic taste in shoes keeps dumping them and I LOVE HER.
When are you going to get a full-time job?
When I am no longer in charge of all these sons, I think.
Can I have some tea?
Can we go to Blockbuster today?
Can we get pizza/Chinese food/5 Guys Burgers & Fries for dinner?
What gas goes in the lawn mower?
When is the internet going to be back?
Go ask your father.
What kind of stuff do you write?
I used to do a lot of advertorial stuff. I write features for commercial and trade magazines, and I have written some creative nonfiction for anthologies, and a few short fiction pieces. I have also done some writing for corporate web sites. I will write pretty much anything, if you pay me. That's why Hubby calls me "Presstitute".
If this does not answer your question, feel free to contact us at Total Waste of Time. Your time is very important to us! Have a great day.
Where are the socks?
I think they are in Son #3 or Son #4's rooms. They don't wear socks all that much, so they tend to collect there.
Have you fed/walked the dog?
Yes. Don't listen to him, he lies.
Is Son #1 there?
No. If he were here, he would have answered the phone before I had a chance. He is at work.
How can you tell your cats apart?
Jake is bigger. He is rougher looking. He has a pointy face and a white spot on his hind foot. Ellie is soft, delicate, and feminine.
Were you trying for a girl?
No.
Who are you here with?
The bass player. Or, alternatively, the drummer. Because Hubby can do both.
Where did you get those shoes?
The thrift store. Almost always. Some chick with fantastic taste in shoes keeps dumping them and I LOVE HER.
When are you going to get a full-time job?
When I am no longer in charge of all these sons, I think.
Can I have some tea?
Can we go to Blockbuster today?
Can we get pizza/Chinese food/5 Guys Burgers & Fries for dinner?
What gas goes in the lawn mower?
When is the internet going to be back?
Go ask your father.
What kind of stuff do you write?
I used to do a lot of advertorial stuff. I write features for commercial and trade magazines, and I have written some creative nonfiction for anthologies, and a few short fiction pieces. I have also done some writing for corporate web sites. I will write pretty much anything, if you pay me. That's why Hubby calls me "Presstitute".
If this does not answer your question, feel free to contact us at Total Waste of Time. Your time is very important to us! Have a great day.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
I want a bucket of carp
Hubby saw something on Mythbusters about sticking your feet in a bucket of fish, to let the fish eat the dead skin off of your feet. Amazingly, that was not the "myth" part.
Why am I hearing about this after it's been declared unsanitary? Dammit, I want to keep a bucket of tiny carp under my desk, so I can have continuous pedicure action while I'm working and futzing online.
Hubby suggested that my feet would not have enough dead skin to sustain a bucket full of fish. I offered to let him use my bucket, too, but he refused. Man has no idea what he's missing.
I do appreciate that he noticed that my feet are sufficiently soft and cute to not require the fishbucket.
Why am I hearing about this after it's been declared unsanitary? Dammit, I want to keep a bucket of tiny carp under my desk, so I can have continuous pedicure action while I'm working and futzing online.
Hubby suggested that my feet would not have enough dead skin to sustain a bucket full of fish. I offered to let him use my bucket, too, but he refused. Man has no idea what he's missing.
I do appreciate that he noticed that my feet are sufficiently soft and cute to not require the fishbucket.
Friday, October 10, 2008
Request for Submissions: Girlhood Stories
My buddy Amy is working on some sort of book projecty-thing--it may end up a book, or maybe a web site, or maybe some whole new thing. No clue, at this point. What I do know is, she's soliciting submissions from girls and women.
Amy wants to look back at our girlhood and see what we were, before we became women. The sweetness of it, if there was any, but really any other things that we remember about that time in our lives.
If you are a woman (Sorry, guys, Amy is not particularly interested in your input on this one!) with something to say, send it to Amy, ok? Essays, poetry, anything you think might communicate what you have to say about your girlhood, or girlhood in general. Let 'er rip, so to speak. And when "it" becomes whatever "it" is going to be, I'll tell everyone about it, here.
At this point, Amy is not at all sure where things are going, and so she also does not know if this is something that at some point might become a "paying market". So, I would say, do it if you want to, and enjoy it for what it is.
Want contact info? Comment here, or email me, and I'll send it on.
Thanks!
Amy wants to look back at our girlhood and see what we were, before we became women. The sweetness of it, if there was any, but really any other things that we remember about that time in our lives.
If you are a woman (Sorry, guys, Amy is not particularly interested in your input on this one!) with something to say, send it to Amy, ok? Essays, poetry, anything you think might communicate what you have to say about your girlhood, or girlhood in general. Let 'er rip, so to speak. And when "it" becomes whatever "it" is going to be, I'll tell everyone about it, here.
At this point, Amy is not at all sure where things are going, and so she also does not know if this is something that at some point might become a "paying market". So, I would say, do it if you want to, and enjoy it for what it is.
Want contact info? Comment here, or email me, and I'll send it on.
Thanks!
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
Hubby's Favorite Meatloaf
Hubby grew up in a restaurant family: not just a family that ate out a lot, but a family with a lot of restaurant owners in it.
I grew up in a house where, well, if it was Friday we were eating tuna patties and it didn't matter if they were horrible it was Friday and Mom had made them and there were children starving in Asia and finish your peas.
This sometimes means that I have a hard time cooking for him. It's a cultural difference.
And then there are times when, well, the fact that he is a guy completely overrules all of that, and he eats stuff I cannot imagine ever putting in my mouth.
Like the time he fished a week-old pork chop out of the dog's dish. Yeah. He did that.
The other night, I was going to make meatloaf. For reasons which will become abundantly clear, it turned into one of those items I would never, ever eat. But Hubby was thrilled. So, here's
Hubby's Favorite Meatloaf
*Defrost a bag of frozen ground beef.
*Take off your mother's ring, and slide it onto the finger with your wedding ring on it, because that ring does. not. come. off. (it could, it just isn't gonna)
*Dump the defrosted meat in a bowl. Add 2 eggs. Add the last of Emeril's BAM IT! Salad Seasoning because lately everything you put that stuff on turns to familial culinary gold.
*Contemplate adding some oats, or quinoa, or cracker crumbs, because you usually do, but...Hubby is on a low-carb diet, so decide to skip that.
*Smoosh everything together with your one bare hand. It's clean, because you are a mom so you wash your hands all day.
*Dump it into a loaf pan, and smoosh it up against one end so there is a slice of loaf-less pan in which the fat can collect.
*Cover it in KC Masterpiece barbeque sauce.
*Bake it at 450 for an hour.
*Leave the house, and remember that the meatloaf is nearly done.
*Call home, and tell whoever answers the phone to turn off the oven, because you're going to be driving all over town.
*Get home an hour later, and discover that the meatloaf is still baking. Turn off the oven.
*Declare the meatloaf completely inedible, because it resembles the world's largest Kingsford briquette. Make grilled cheese for the Sons. Go to bed.
*Wake up the next morning and discover the briquette is STILL in the oven. It is black and hard and cold. Mention you are going to throw it away.
*When you see Hubby's distraught face, shove the charred thing in a tupperware container and put it in the fridge. Wait 10 hours.
*Microwave the lump.
For some reason, burned, abandoned food really appeals to my husband. I think the only thing I could have done to improve it would have been if I had let the dog lick it, first.
I grew up in a house where, well, if it was Friday we were eating tuna patties and it didn't matter if they were horrible it was Friday and Mom had made them and there were children starving in Asia and finish your peas.
This sometimes means that I have a hard time cooking for him. It's a cultural difference.
And then there are times when, well, the fact that he is a guy completely overrules all of that, and he eats stuff I cannot imagine ever putting in my mouth.
Like the time he fished a week-old pork chop out of the dog's dish. Yeah. He did that.
The other night, I was going to make meatloaf. For reasons which will become abundantly clear, it turned into one of those items I would never, ever eat. But Hubby was thrilled. So, here's
Hubby's Favorite Meatloaf
*Defrost a bag of frozen ground beef.
*Take off your mother's ring, and slide it onto the finger with your wedding ring on it, because that ring does. not. come. off. (it could, it just isn't gonna)
*Dump the defrosted meat in a bowl. Add 2 eggs. Add the last of Emeril's BAM IT! Salad Seasoning because lately everything you put that stuff on turns to familial culinary gold.
*Contemplate adding some oats, or quinoa, or cracker crumbs, because you usually do, but...Hubby is on a low-carb diet, so decide to skip that.
*Smoosh everything together with your one bare hand. It's clean, because you are a mom so you wash your hands all day.
*Dump it into a loaf pan, and smoosh it up against one end so there is a slice of loaf-less pan in which the fat can collect.
*Cover it in KC Masterpiece barbeque sauce.
*Bake it at 450 for an hour.
*Leave the house, and remember that the meatloaf is nearly done.
*Call home, and tell whoever answers the phone to turn off the oven, because you're going to be driving all over town.
*Get home an hour later, and discover that the meatloaf is still baking. Turn off the oven.
*Declare the meatloaf completely inedible, because it resembles the world's largest Kingsford briquette. Make grilled cheese for the Sons. Go to bed.
*Wake up the next morning and discover the briquette is STILL in the oven. It is black and hard and cold. Mention you are going to throw it away.
*When you see Hubby's distraught face, shove the charred thing in a tupperware container and put it in the fridge. Wait 10 hours.
*Microwave the lump.
For some reason, burned, abandoned food really appeals to my husband. I think the only thing I could have done to improve it would have been if I had let the dog lick it, first.
And it's a banner day, at Chez Christine
Today, Son #2 got his braces off. He is thrilled, naturally. And I was going to mention that to all my bloggy people, definitely. Especially since the orthodontist sent him back to school with a giant bag of chewy, sticky, hard, sugary stuff he was not supposed to go NEAR for the past few years. Understanding goes a long way.
But holy beans, you know what ELSE just happened?
Son #3 just bagged the trash and took it out. I noticed, and thanked him for seeing something that needed to be done, and doing it, unasked. His response?
"Yeah, well...it's my house, too."
Not ALL of my kids have figured that one out. But it is wonderful when one of them makes it clear that he understands that he is part of a community.
But holy beans, you know what ELSE just happened?
Son #3 just bagged the trash and took it out. I noticed, and thanked him for seeing something that needed to be done, and doing it, unasked. His response?
"Yeah, well...it's my house, too."
Not ALL of my kids have figured that one out. But it is wonderful when one of them makes it clear that he understands that he is part of a community.
Monday, October 06, 2008
These fashion people...what a sense of humor
Here is a design by Pierre Cardin.
And here is La Pierre Himself.
Clearly, he is laughing his ass off, as he cashes those checks from le chic. I just gotta hand it to the man.
Sunday, October 05, 2008
Wisdom of the Day
"Soooo, are you ever going to blog again?" she asked. Yeah, I know, I suck cheese.
Instead of blogging, the past few days I have been organizing the house. It is dreadfully dull and does not provide much in the way of blog fodder. I got nothin', ok? Be grateful I am not telling you about the mildew in the hall bathroom or the dust next to the washer.
But in my heaps of paper (I am working on my desk, today) I found the following:
"This is the work of those who are skilled and peaceful, who seek the good: May they be able and upright, straightforward, of gentle speech and not proud. May they be content and easily supported, unburdened, with their senses calmed. May they be wise, not arrogant and without desire for the possessions of others. May they do nothing mean or that the wise would reprove. May all things be happy. May they live in safety and joy.
--Metta Suta
Something to think about, as I clean, I guess.
Instead of blogging, the past few days I have been organizing the house. It is dreadfully dull and does not provide much in the way of blog fodder. I got nothin', ok? Be grateful I am not telling you about the mildew in the hall bathroom or the dust next to the washer.
But in my heaps of paper (I am working on my desk, today) I found the following:
"This is the work of those who are skilled and peaceful, who seek the good: May they be able and upright, straightforward, of gentle speech and not proud. May they be content and easily supported, unburdened, with their senses calmed. May they be wise, not arrogant and without desire for the possessions of others. May they do nothing mean or that the wise would reprove. May all things be happy. May they live in safety and joy.
--Metta Suta
Something to think about, as I clean, I guess.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Miracle Snack of the Day: Lemon Popcorn
Get ready to thank me.
Pop a big pot of corn on the stove. Do not salt it. Instead, sprinkle on one of those tubes of lemon flavored splenda stuff you're supposed to use to flavor a bottle of water. Live a little: use 2 tubes.
Toss the corn around.
Eat it.
You're welcome.
Pop a big pot of corn on the stove. Do not salt it. Instead, sprinkle on one of those tubes of lemon flavored splenda stuff you're supposed to use to flavor a bottle of water. Live a little: use 2 tubes.
Toss the corn around.
Eat it.
You're welcome.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Walmart-in
Hubby wanted to go to Wal-Mart.
He considered changing out of his holey t-shirt, but, well, we were only going to Wal-Mart.
I went, too. In the hotpants I was wearing while my jeans were in the wash.
Son #3 came with us, sporting 2 kinds of plaid.
And Son #4 was, naturally, a shaggy 12 year old in a band t-shirt.
We have completely adapted to the boondocks lifestyle.
He considered changing out of his holey t-shirt, but, well, we were only going to Wal-Mart.
I went, too. In the hotpants I was wearing while my jeans were in the wash.
Son #3 came with us, sporting 2 kinds of plaid.
And Son #4 was, naturally, a shaggy 12 year old in a band t-shirt.
We have completely adapted to the boondocks lifestyle.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
In Honor of Our Friends in Houston
Hubby keeps saying that it's just a matter of time before we end up in Houston. Not entirely sure why that is (although a big, hot, Southern city sounds just right to me) but I am glad we're not there just now.
In honor of our friends in Houston, Hubby and I had a little bit of our own Hurricane Ike experience, last night and this morning:
We cleaned up standing water (because someone knocked the refrigerator plug out of the socket and everything melted on the kitchen floor).
We discarded defrosted food (don't worry, it was just yesterday's pitcher of frozen mochas. I can make more.)
Hubby spent some time in the dark, cursing (because he banged his foot on a broken rocking chair that was sitting in the kitchen.)
We got hot & sweaty (oooh, baby, and on a Tuesday night, too!)
We found a roofing shingle on our deck (Hmmm...that's what you get for buying your house from the widow of a Stand Up Guy.)
I burned myself, lighting a candle.
I resigned myself to waiting for repairmen (the fridge and the lawn tractor, this time.)
So, to Jill, Casey, and all the rest, just know that Hubby and I are totally in solidarity with you.
In honor of our friends in Houston, Hubby and I had a little bit of our own Hurricane Ike experience, last night and this morning:
We cleaned up standing water (because someone knocked the refrigerator plug out of the socket and everything melted on the kitchen floor).
We discarded defrosted food (don't worry, it was just yesterday's pitcher of frozen mochas. I can make more.)
Hubby spent some time in the dark, cursing (because he banged his foot on a broken rocking chair that was sitting in the kitchen.)
We got hot & sweaty (oooh, baby, and on a Tuesday night, too!)
We found a roofing shingle on our deck (Hmmm...that's what you get for buying your house from the widow of a Stand Up Guy.)
I burned myself, lighting a candle.
I resigned myself to waiting for repairmen (the fridge and the lawn tractor, this time.)
So, to Jill, Casey, and all the rest, just know that Hubby and I are totally in solidarity with you.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Not feelin' the love
I keep sending out queries, and hearing nothing back. My editor's inbox is so full, she can't open the photos I sent to go with my latest travel piece. "Wait a few days, until I can clear it out," she says. My own inbox is crammed with spam, and little else. About the only creative writing I do is to describe my latest offerings on eBay.
I am just not feelin' the internet love, these days. I think I'll have some cookie dough.
I am just not feelin' the internet love, these days. I think I'll have some cookie dough.
Monday, September 08, 2008
Proof I Married a Man
Last week, three county schools (including the one Son#1 attends part-time) were on lockdown because someone called in a bogus suicide threat. Son #1 just told me that he found out who it was who called in the threat, and that the kid is in custody being charged as an adult, and his parents owe the county $10,000 for the hassle.
And we know the kid.
This is a kid I used to babysit, years ago, in exchange for haircuts from his mother, the extremely talented and expensive hairdresser. Sweet kid (or so I thought) and growing up to be a handsome young man.
Son #1 always said this boy was bad news, but I didn't really believe it until the boy started breaking skateboards over Son #1's head, selling drugs, and such. I've blogged about him before. That kid.
Son #1 tells me this juicy piece of gossip and of course my first instinct, even as he is spooling out the details, is to flip open my cell phone and call Hubby.
"Oh, yeah, he mentioned that a couple days ago," he said. "I forgot."
Yup. Proof positive. Hubby is definitely not a woman.
And we know the kid.
This is a kid I used to babysit, years ago, in exchange for haircuts from his mother, the extremely talented and expensive hairdresser. Sweet kid (or so I thought) and growing up to be a handsome young man.
Son #1 always said this boy was bad news, but I didn't really believe it until the boy started breaking skateboards over Son #1's head, selling drugs, and such. I've blogged about him before. That kid.
Son #1 tells me this juicy piece of gossip and of course my first instinct, even as he is spooling out the details, is to flip open my cell phone and call Hubby.
"Oh, yeah, he mentioned that a couple days ago," he said. "I forgot."
Yup. Proof positive. Hubby is definitely not a woman.
Thursday, September 04, 2008
saRAH! saRAH! saRAH!
I have been moaning about the Presidential candidates for ages. Well, actually, I had STOPPED moaning. I had pretty much resigned myself to holding my nose and voting, when the time came.
Until.
Sweet Jesus, I have a girl-crush on Sarah Palin. SHE is the one I've been waiting for. I am so excited about the election, now.
This one, and the one in 2016.
Monday, September 01, 2008
Hey, I'm all for good food, but
...some of y'all are insufferably snotty.
I gotta agree with the first person who said the truth---HALFWAY through the list: American cheese and white bread, dude. I would also suggest the addition of a slice o' ham, and some good tomatoes. It's a thing of beauty.
But the people who insist upon 3 different kinds of artisanal cheeses, layered in a specific pattern? WHO do they think they ARE?
It's a sandwich, ok?
I gotta agree with the first person who said the truth---HALFWAY through the list: American cheese and white bread, dude. I would also suggest the addition of a slice o' ham, and some good tomatoes. It's a thing of beauty.
But the people who insist upon 3 different kinds of artisanal cheeses, layered in a specific pattern? WHO do they think they ARE?
It's a sandwich, ok?
Sunday, August 31, 2008
What Surrender Looks Like
After guest-posting at Sue's blog, I felt honor-bound to try Vegemite. But I failed. Failed miserably. I went to five stores before finding the next-best thing, Marmite.
Son #1 is at work. Hubby refused to even consider trying it. But the rest of us have given Marmite a shot, spread, thinly on buttered toast. And here is the verdict:
Son #2: I'm never eating Redcoat food again, ever.
Son #3: I didn't mind it at first, but then it tasted terrible.
Son #4: At first, I liked it, but then it got kind of a bad aftertaste. So, I wouldn't eat it again, but, well, you have your own tastes. (He said this, mind you, after spitting his toast into the trash.)
And me? Well?
I like it. So sue me.
Although I have to say, I cannot imagine any American product with a notation on the label---right out front!---telling you you should not eat very much of it. I mean, do they WANT us to think it is bad?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
