I hate Word Pad

Last week, I spilled a beverage near my computer. Not ON, mind you. NEAR. And apparently some seeped under it and killed it.

I am in a mood most foul.

I am on my second loaner computer. My data is safe. But I don't have Microsoft Word on here, or the program to use my printer, or the program to look at the photos I took to go along with the article I'm working on.

Everything takes extra steps. And I am stuck writing in Word Pad. I HATE Word Pad. It is taking me forever to finish writing, because it's just not smoooooth, like MS Word.

On the bright side, hating my computer means I'm spending less time chatting and more time doing laundry. Our towels are April Fresh.

I hate Word Pad.

The nicest thing anyone said to me, all weekend

"If your ass gets any smaller, I'm going to print up signs saying 'Christine is a bitch.'"

Fiddlin' Writer, you know EXACTLY what to say.

What launched hubby out of bed, this afternoon?

"You are being a TOTAL MONSTER on this, Mom! SCREW YOU!"

Seconds later, Hubby was across the hall, hands on a certain Son's collar, explaining that he. will. not. tolerate. that. kind. of. talk.

And I am glad he stepped up for me. The Sons need to know that Dad and Mom are on the same page.

The funny thing is, Dad is the one who had come down harder. Dad was the one who made the decision the Son didn't like. I guess it is easier to shout down at your Mom, than up at your Dad.

At issue? He wanted a ride to a friend's house, and for Very Valid Reasons we told him he had to ride his bike, instead.

I'm a total monster. So screw me.

It made sense at the time: Big Mac a Big Mistake

Several people have said, lately, that since I go to the gym almost every day and dancing at least a couple times a month, I must be "able to eat anything I want". This is not exactly true.

It does mean, however, that if I want a Big Mac, I can say, "Well, shoot! I haven't had one of those in a good 3 years. And I don't want fries. And I'll wash it all down with a diet soda or some unsweetened tea. And all I had for breakfast was a yogurt. And I'm on my way to spinning class, which I know is going to burn 500 calories or so. What the heck?!"

Unfortunately.

If you eat a Big Mac in the parking lot at the gym, and then 10 minutes later you are in class with Scottie, whose idea of instruction is to SHOUT AT YOU TO GO FASTER! DON'T SLOW DOWN! DON'T SLACK OFF! WE ARE IN A RACE! DON'T LET THEM BEAT YOU! RAAAAAA! for 45 minutes, you will spend the entire class feeling like you are going to puke.

Like, maybe, puking is a GREAT idea. Like getting rid of that Big Mac by any means necessary would make the whole ride a lot easier. And like the people in the class would see you puke all over yourself and cheer, while Scottie yelled, "YEAH! PUSH THROUGH IT! FEEL THOSE HAMSTRINGS! GO NOW! RAAAAAA!"

I just got home. I am sipping on the remains of my diet Coke---it stayed ice cold, in the car. I think I will never eat a Big Mac again.

Don't get me wrong, though. I think Scottie is awesome.

Not so great name for a band? Ugh

Well, we polled the electorate. Or, at least, we polled my readers on the blog, Hubby's coworkers, several bartenders and everyone at open mic night this past Thursday.

We presented that extremely long list (of names suggested by myself, Hubby's friends, and every member of the band), and accepted new ideas on the fly, and had people say what they liked of the bunch.

A lot of the names got a vote or two. A lot of new names went on the list.

The two big winners, though, were FrankenFish (Hubby's idea) and Oyster Shooter (mine).

Naturally, Hubby brought all this data to his last band practice and no one liked either one of those.

The drummer suggested a name. The rest of the band agreed to it. And so...at this point...Hubby's band is going to be called...

Ugh, I can hardly type it. The drummer's suggestions all had a certain ickiness to them. They all seemed perfectly suited to an early-80s, blue-collar, hair metal band. Which is totally unlike the music Hubby's band will play, but absolutely in line with the drummer's persona.

Not that he's not a nice guy and a talented drummer. I'm just sayin'.

The jury is still out. Maybe Hubby can talk some sense into the rest of the band. After all, they want something memorable, and clever, and easy to spell, and something that lends itself to a good logo for t-shirts and such, and something that is not already a band name on the interweb. Something that communicates the fact that this is a group of men in their early 30s to mid 40s, playing classic and modern rock and the occasional blues tune.

In other words, the last thing they want, is to call the band....

Infexious

Dave Brubeck's Happy Easter

Happy Easter, everybody!

My sister and my parents are coming down for the evening, bringing a pork roast and the Egg Hunt and a pie. I am in charge of everything else, which is why I am blogging, instead of scrubbing my bathrooms or peeling potatoes.

So let me just say that Blue Rondo a la Turk is great kitchen music on an Easter Sunday. I'm in here on a borrowed computer, because my own machine died on me last night (something about a spilled beverage)...and with Dave's assistance, I feel a little less like I am going through the holiday motions when my heart's not in it, and a little more like it's a beautiful spring day.

Oh, and I love those malted milk balls.

At about this point, Poky Redhead is shaking her head. "Christine? Do you have ADD or something? What does any of this have to do with anything?"

And it doesn't. I'm just rambling. So, Happy Easter to all of you. Lots of love. From Christine.

Urban Dictionary Says It's True

Urban Dictionary says it, so it must be true: I am the coolest, sexiest person around.

Then again, it also says I am hairy testicles. Which can be cool and sexy if you're into that, but can also be...something you really don't ever want to encounter. So, hey, it is what it is.

Amy Winehouse Knows Some Stuff

I know, I know, Girlfriend is a hot mess and it's irresponsible to like her and we should all shun her until she gets herself together and she's no Nina Simone and all that. But I love this song today.

Great Name for a Band

Hubby's band is getting ready to play out, soon. I am BEYOND PSYCHED about this. I have wanted Hubby to be in a band with this particular singer for years.


WOOOOOOO!

Ok. But although they are having a great time and getting tight together, they can't choose a band name. Nothing fits, yet.

So this morning Hubby sent me a list of the latest contenders. Which do you like? And, if you can think of any others, PLEASE SEND THEM TO ME.

Downward Spiral
Attention Deficit
Repeat Offender
Dry Heaves
Drunken Stupor
Storm Warning
Wanderlust
Mid Atlantic Dawn
Abandon
Crush
Chasing Sky
Cold Fire
Nether World
Ghost Water
Wicked Season
Lusbians
Earthshine
Never Surrender
Basket Case
Flight
Bloodline
Terra Firma
FrankenFish
Chumming for Rock
Hung Jury
The Coolidge Effect
Killer Plankton
Oyster Shooter
Slack Tide
Dead Reckoning
Poet's Justice
Rock Box
Misfit Toys
Noble Savage
The Klink
Flood
Precious Bodily Fluids
Half Deaf
Mood Disorder
The Fast and the Curious
Rock in a Hard Place
Private Snowball
Major Malfunction
Lost Weekend
Backdoor Men
Cock and Bull
Hair of the Dog
Reverse Cowgirl
Fender Bender
Show us Your Tits
Not the Father
Miscellany
Spam Filer
Designated Drinker
Witness Protection Program
Worth the Hangover
Boxers, not Briefs
The Hung Dynasty
Happy Ending
Storm Surge

Sky Lab
Toxic Shock
Chumming for Rock
Trouble in the Cockpit
Reach Around
Follow The Money
Show Me The Money
Heat Seeking (or Seekers, Seekers, etc)
Category 5 (or 6)
Napalm in the Morning
Sometimes you eat the Bear
Dude!
Coin Slot
Botox
The Myth of Fingerprints
The Coolidge Effect
Slack Tide
Reverse Cowgirl
Hard Crabs
Spam Filter
Witness Protection Program
Designated Drinker
Worth the Hangover
Boxers not Briefs
The Hung Dynasty
Happy Ending
Storm Surge
Butt Floss
Voodoo Highway
Nimpho-tainment
The Stalkers
Repeat Offender

1040 Blues

I have spent today organizing paperwork for the annual taxation onslaught. I am LUCKY, I know, because Hubby has done so much work for a local CPA that they are doing our taxes for us this year. But by the same token, I am tired of it and still not done.

I wanted to embed a Robert Cray video--1040 Blues. But Youtube does not have it. So, you know, hum it if you know it.

Sparkly pink fingernails

Someone asked me, yesterday, if I painted my nails pink "for your husband, or your boyfriend".

And so I told him the truth--I did it for me.

JUST LIKE HER

Growing up, just about the angriest thing my mother could say to me was that I was JUST LIKE HER--my grandmother. She always meant that I was exhibiting some of her mother-in-law's worst qualities.

I am starting to think that, for good or ill, I am a lot like Granma Bolz. And even though that includes her faults, I don't mind.

When she passed away, she left me one of her coctail rings. It was a little loose to be a pinky ring, and too tight to wear anywhere else, so I stuck it in a drawer. But this week I had it sized to fit my middle finger. I've been wearing it and it feels like it belongs on me. I think that if she were a 40-year-old woman, we'd get along famously and understand each other.

And probably also drive my mother nuts.

Wonder Twin Powers, ACTIVATE!

Honesty Meme

I stole this from Sue. Because, after last night, I need something light-hearted to focus on.

“40 Secrets About Yourself”
Be HONEST no matter what.

1. What Is your natural hair color?

Exactly the color you see. Brown.

2. What is your middle name?

Elizabeth. It sounds so much more sophisticated than I feel.

3. Your current relationship status?

Married 19 years

4. What is your current mood?
Fairly calm & focused, in a "Monday morning, tons of work" kind of way.

5. What color underwear are you wearing?
I have a brown bra and blue boyshorts with tulips on them

6. What makes you happy?

Sex, kissing, and public displays of affection. Dancing. Great live music. Hanging out with friends. Writing. Getting PAID for said writing. Photography. Compliments. Blog comments. Those emails telling me I have MySpace messages from people I like. And the gym.

7. What are you doing right now?

Eating a chocolate chip bagel and suppressing the urge to scream.

9. If you could go back in time, and change something what would you change?

I'm not sure. Mostly, I think I would go with the way I did things.

10. If you MUST be an animal for ONE day- what would you be?

A big, bad-ass tiger.

11. Ever had a near death experience?

Nope.

12. Something you do a lot?

Laundry. Dishes. Futz around on the Internet. And hit the gym.

13. What’s the name of the song stuck in your head right now?

Fuck Me Pumps


14. Who did you copy and paste this from?

Sue

15. Name someone with the same b-day as you?

John Lennon, and his son, Sean. Too bad I have no musical talent.

16. When was the last time you cried?

Couple of weeks ago, I think

17. Have you ever sung in front of a large audience?

Yup, in school, in choir.

18. If you could have one super power what would it be?

I would be able to read minds. But only when I wanted to. Not all the time.

19. What’s the first thing you notice about the opposite/same sex?

My gut feeling about them, whoever they may be.

20. What do you usually order from Starbucks? A Really Big, skinny, caramel latte.

21. What’s your biggest secret?

Ha. Like I'd tell the internet.

22. Favorite color?

I think the teal on the wall in my living room. At sunset and sunrise, it matches the sky outside and the wall disappears.

23. When was the last time you lied?

Let's just say that sometimes I let people keep their assumptions of me, instead of correcting them.

24. Do you still watch kiddy movies or TV shows?
I do if the kids watch them in my bed.

25. When did you last see someone you wanted to date?

This morning. I see him every day.

26. What are you eating or drinking at the moment? Chocolate chip bagel and milk.

27. Do you speak any other language? I used to be able to speak Thai, but I haven't used it in 15 years.

28. What are your favorite smells?

Hubby. Son #4. Bath & Body Works Creme Brulee stuff. Oriental grocery stores. Certain perfumes, and Polo, in small doses. Baking stuff. Sandalwood. Mint. Tide. Bleach. Gardenias. Jasmine. Lemons.

29. If you could describe your life in one word what would it be?

Intriguing

30. When was the last time you gave/received a hug?

About 20 minutes ago. Thanks, Hubby!

31. Have you ever been kissed in the rain?

Probably, but I have no specific memory of it.

32. What are you thinking about right now?

I wish Sons #1 and 2 were already on the way to school.

33. What should you be doing?

folding laundry

34. What was the last thing that made you upset/angry?

SON #1 GAVE OUR Wii SYSTEM TO SOME GIRL AT SCHOOL WITHOUT TELLING ANYONE.

35. How often do you pray?

Does "Lord, beer me strength!" count? In that case, all the damn day.

36. Do you like working in the yard?

No. I would be happy to live in an apartment.

37. If you could have any last name in the world, what would you want?

The one I've got!

38. Do you act differently around your crush?

I did at first.

39. Name one song that reminds you of an ex?

Fortunately, I've been married so long that the songs that would remind me of an ex are no longer getting played on the radio.

40. What do you think of the person who sent this to you? Be HONEST!
I wish I knew her in real life. Because I think we'd have fun.

I am stunned...just....absolutely stunned

A couple of Christmases ago, when the Wii system was new, Hubby camped out at Best Buy to get one for the Sons. It was one of those things, you know--we can't afford it, it's taking up a chunk of a Saturday he needed to use for other stuff, but Santa was going to really pull it out.

And he got one. One of the last ones available.

Christmas morning was AWESOME. And the family has enjoyed the Wii. We've bought a few games for it, we all have played it from time to time. It's not ALL we do, obviously, but...it's fun.

Tonight, I don't know how it came up in conversation, but...

Son #1 gave our Wii system to some girl at school.

I don't know when he did it.

He does not know where this girl lives.

He does not have her phone number.

And he thinks that it is in better hands, at her house, than here. He decided that his brothers weren't using it enough, and when they did use it they weren't taking good care of it, so he gave it away, without telling anyone.

He is furious with us, for telling him that he needs to find this girl at school tomorrow and get her phone number and tell her that Hubby is coming over, tomorrow night after work, to pick it up.

He thinks he did the reasonable thing, and WE are being crazy. He has been yelling at US, for telling him we need the Wii back tomorrow.

On a potentially related note, a few months ago I splurged on a new pair of sneakers. It was not really a splurgy thing---my knee was bothering me, because my sneaks were old, and sneakers are expensive so it FELT like a splurge. I bought them for myself for my birthday. And then a couple of weeks later, they disappeared, never to be seen again. Not one to keep spending money, I just went back to my old sneaks and am sucking it up, on the knee pain front.

But now I wonder. Does this girl have my shoes, too?

Holy fuck.

I mean, maybe I should not curse, but I am just beyond words, at this point.

He's traded in his 40-year-old for a pair of 16-year-olds

Ever since last summer, when I took the boys to a barbecue and music festival, Son #1 has been asking when he can see ACME Blues Company again.

WHYYYY can't I go?

WHYYYYYY can't I go, just because it's in a bar?

WHHHYYYYYY can't I go, just because you hang out with your old people friends when you go see them?

WHENNNNNN can I go see them again?

He guarantees me that he would do ANYTHING to go. That he loves their music (and he, like all the Sons, does indeed sing along to the entire CD.) And as a budding left-handed bassist, he says that he would "go all Fan Girl on Wolf," ACME's left-handed bass player.

This weekend, the younger two Sons are out of town. And ACME is playing, just about 40 minutes from home. A little far for me to go alone, but...it is not a bar. It is an actual RESTAURANT. With no dance floor, but, I can bring teens.

He was all hot to go. Really looking forward to it. And then.

Some girls he know invited him to a concert at their school.

Suddenly, he is not going. Which may mean I am not going. Because, of course, I will be required to transport Sons #1 and 2 to this concert.

AND THEY FULLY ADMIT THE BANDS WILL PALE IN COMPARISON.

Ugh, the injustice. And to think: 12 years ago, he handed me a Ring Pop and asked me to marry him.

Waldorf on a Sunday: Do I want to go to the mall?

Let me let you in on a little secret: the Happy Boondocks is in the middle of nowhere.

The nearest not-quite-a-city, but with some amenities, is Waldorf, an hour away.

When I was a kid, growing up outside of Annapolis, we laughed at Waldorf. It was the boonies. There was nothing in Waldorf. It was the kind of place you drove through, on the way to Florida for vacation, and wondered at all the old places that Used To Be Something Special, Back In The 60s When Gambling Was Legal And Headliners Came. There are still several crappy shops and bakeries and such, inhabiting odd buildings that used to be casinos.

Then we moved to the Happy Boondocks. Waldorf instantly transformed into A Place That Has A Mall and A Red Lobster.

Honestly, I am not all that impressed by the presence of a mall or a Red Lobster. But, that is the difference between the Boondocks as we know it, and Waldorf. People actually make plans to go to Waldorf, to eat at the Olive Garden and shop at the mall.

OK, so tomorrow I will be in Waldorf. It is kind of a midway point between my house and my parents', and my mother is going to meet me there to return Sons #3 and 4, who are spending the weekend with their grandparents.

As a non-shoppy, non-materialistic person, my first inclination is to just head to the bagel store where we're meeting, grab the kids and head back home. But then again, I will have already used all that gasoline...maybe I should go a little early, and hit the mall. Because, you know, I usually only do that once a year, when I take Son #1 clothes shopping at Hot Topic. This time, I'd be alone. I could look at...I dunno, whatever catches my eye, I guess. Maybe I'll bring my camera and take pictures of the place.

Eh, if any of you are in Waldorf, tomorrow, you just may run into me. Wave. Say something. See you there! Maybe we can get Orange Julius, or something.

Hooooo, boy!

The past couple of days have been hectic. An interview. Two doctor's appointments. Several trips to take Son #1 see The Girl. Tae kwon do, three days in a row. Open Mic, last night (you didn't think I'd skip blues jam, did you?)

The Sons continue to eat us out of house and home, so I am going to the grocery store like I expect Brangelina to be handing out free diamond tennis bracelets in the parking lot, any minute. And, of course, the gym, because I am hooked on it.

As always, the dog needs walking. Because it really doesn't make a lick of difference, to him, whether he goes on the rug, on a pile of clean laundry a Son swore he put away, or outside. He could go either way. It's totally up to us. Really. He's flexible, like that.

Sons #3 and 4 have discovered the joys of bread baking. The house is full of the aroma of freshly baked bread, and the happy sounds Hubby makes when he takes a bite. It is also full of globs of bread dough, and drifts of flour and sugar and yeast. Because they think they clean up after themselves. They really do.

Although Son #1 enjoys using Hubby's bathrobe, more than his own, his REAL favorite is his comforter. Of course, once he is done with it, he'll just drop it. Like this morning---the hall bathroom has all his dirty clothes from last night AND a queen-sized comforter, on the floor. And dental floss. He also deposited a hairbrush in the box of peaches on the kitchen table. Ooogh.

All this to say, I haven't done laundry in two days, or dishes, since yesterday morning. I woke up and took a look and thought, "Hooooo, boy! I am not ready for this!"

But now that I've enjoyed my latest breakfast fad, bran flakes, and taken a moment to kvetch to the blogosphere, I feel much better.

I think I'll go clean the kitchen. Probably won't rush to eat a peach, though. They are fuzzier than is natural.

So, who was adopted, again?

Son #1 (5'10, muscular, curly hair, impulsive, bouncy, dressed perpetually in black, wants to be a cop, usually tries not to curse too much in front of his mother) and Son #2 (6'1, gangly, wavy hair, mellow, contemplative, dressed usually in white, wants to be an artist, usually tries not to say "indeed!" in front of his father) stood in front of me this morning, before it was time to leave for school.

"Mom. Which one of us was adopted, again?"

One good thing, this weekend, thanks to MySpace

Lately I've been feeling frustrated and a bit morose. Things just aren't going Precisely According To My Plans, and I am cranky about it. (Yeah, I know, Boo Freakin' Hoo).

This weekend, though, something kinda cool happened.

Ya know how sometimes you meet someone, and you know you'd like them if you got to know them? But you don't always have a chance TO get to know them?

Well, a few months ago I met someone. A friend's girlfriend. And I knew, just on sight, that I would like her. Maybe I was influenced by all the nice things he says about her, but maybe it was just recognizing her for who she is, even without a lot of data to back me up.

Anyway, the other day I posted a comment on someone's blog, and the girlfriend's friend emailed me about it. She and I had never really talked, before, beyond "Hi! Great Show!" (Her boyfriend is the singer for THAT BAND THAT I TALK ABOUT ALL THE TIME OH GOD CHRISTINE SHUT UP ALREADY ABOUT ACME BLUES COMPANY FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST!) But we ended up emailing back and forth all weekend.

We have a lot in common. We like each other. We make each other laugh. It's great, meeting a new friend.

So,

Hi Amy! Welcome to the blog! Hope you still like me, after you read all my crap!

Wisdom From Son #2, While Son #1's Girlfriend Visits

"Ya know how they say most people only use 10% of their brains? The other 90% is being used by their junk"

Yup, he is 14. The boy knows things.