Hubby is playing a gig tonight. I am waiting for my curling iron to heat up, so I can be all fabu for tonight, while he packs up his gig bag.
And I've been thinking, lately: How did I end up a musician's wife? I mean, I think it's great. I LOVE going to see Hubby play. And I love listening to him practice, too. It's fun for me, and it's great to see him having fun. So no complaints. But I never dated a musician, before I met Hubby, and he wasn't playing in a band, when we met. How did I get here?
This is all I can come up with, at this point. Fellow musician's wives, please add to the list:
-I genuinely enjoy listening to the same bass line, all afternoon, until he gets it right.
-I have batteries and rubber bands, at all times.
-I gladly go out any night of the week and see, essentially, the same show.
-When women dance with Hubby's microphone, I smile at them...I may then dance BETWEEN them and said microphone, but I don't act snarky just 'cause Hubby is hot.
-I have a minivan. Which is great for last-minute runs to get the other instrument, another guitar stand, several jugs of iced tea, a throne for the drummer who forgot his, and a better shirt.
-When Hubby's band is playing, and any other band is also playing, I go see Hubby's band (and I usually keep my mouth shut about the other band, although I have been known to kvetch a little).
-I will dance with anything. Drunk, toothless, old, in a wheelchair, shorter than me (which is an achievement), whatever. I am all about getting people on the dance floor.
-I can say "Woooooo!" "Wooooooo!" is like "Aloha", for bars. It means anything and everything.
-I keep frozen pizza in the house at all times, so the Sons won't starve while I'm out partying
-I know what everyone in the band drinks, so I can run to the bar for them
-I hug all the drunken women
There's probably more that should be on the list. I'll be thinking, on my way to Boatman's tonight.
Oh, and one more thing: When Hubby and I had only been dating a few weeks, I took him to a music store and bought him a guitar. I had no idea this was crazy behavior. He, however, INSISTED that he pay me back. Which he did.
Years later, he explained that musicians are known for using their girlfriends to support their musical habit. He didn't want to give me the wrong impression. Which was very sweet of him.
The guitar was destroyed while we lived overseas, but he still has the memory of me stroking that check, in Chuck Levin's. I think maybe that made me a Musician's Wife Candidate.
Wooooooo!
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24 comments:
you lived overseas? That's so awesome.
Yes! We lived in Thailand for a little more than 3 years. Came home when Son #1 was a year and a half old.
That is so cool!
And I'm so jealous of how much you love your husband. I've been married for only 6 months and my husband and I pretty much hate one another. It's pathetic. Blah.
Well, if he would stop stealing your sleeves, maybe...
It also helps if you surround yourself with crazy people and jerks. Then you and Doug will start to look amazing, in comparison.
18 years and its been fun until recently. married 11, one child, love going to gigs. sacrificed my art for his and sublimated into my domestic "bliss" ie. trenches. i love our girl, but man the life of bandwife is freakin lonely. i've always said someday i'd have a bandwife party. now im reconsidering. so much silence and understanding nods. last few years have been rough with the late and later nights. more pilz. more alcohol. more desperation to finally realize dreams (age 51). if i find more bandwife's online i might gain strength to not give up. it's nice to search the web for snacks of understanding. im not alone. so far anne morrow lindbergh's gift of the sea, 1955. says to save yourself through your own creativity not living vicariously. damn. more to do. who will do the laundry?
Bandwife-
Yes, I know. Track me down, and we can meet for that bandwife party. I think I'd like that.
I agree with you, my creativity often takes a back seat behind the family, and I knew I was signing up for that when I married and had kids, but I don't think I understood it. I don't think you can, until you're living it.
It's a damn juggling act, and I didn't realize I had to know how to juggle.
Have you read Julia Cameron's The Artist's Way? It has been a real life-changer, for me.
I already commented here too - man, I am a Christine blog lover!
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I am sharing all of this with you because you are the creator of a strong and popular blog and you truly stand as a source of inspiration for women and marriages.
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What about when the musician hubby gets to be middle aged and the gigs don't come so frequently? The FUN of going to hear him play becomes listening to him lament over the state of the music industry and how teaching another snotty nosed child who never practices is going to send him to an early grave?
All I can say is that as musician's wives we should cherish the drunk women, late nights, dancing with whomever is on the dance floor while our man plays the best riffs ever heard by a woman in love.
Yes, Anonymous, I am with you, there. Last night I was gently but firmly explaining to my persistent and drunken dance partner that I was NOT available, because I was with THAT MAN OVER THERE--SEEE? THE BASS PLAYER. YES, I WILL DANCE WITH YOU BUT I GO HOME WITH HIM---when Hubby cut loose with some really great bass--and I just had to grin. I was just so glad to be there and hear him.
man alive 7 months later and I'm so glad i joined this blog. it really is nice to know i'm not alone. have you discussed addiction yet? i had to chuckle at the "dying industry" and the private lessons comment...my dh actually enjoys teaching. the night life has been so destructive and isolating, that the daytime private lessons make a much missed connection with other life forms. you guys are at treat with our common experience. i'm surprised there isn't more online from celebrity bandwives. Actually, Sharon Osborne is a role model now and then with the management side of the coin. Am I the only one frustrated with how most gigs (studio or club) pay the same they did 20 years ago? Arg...angry bandwife
Bandwife, you are absolutely right. Musicians get paid CRAP!
Hubby does not do private lessons--he has a day job which he loves. He does, however, really enjoy teaching our son and giving "tips" to other young musicians.
First off I want to thank you for writing this blog! It has helped me out! I googled married musicians and I never expected to run across something so perfect! So my boyfriend is in a new and upcoming band and they are going on their first tour coming up.... We have never spent more than a day or two at a time apart from each other but I know that We can handle a month but the band notified us last night that around January they are gonna go on a 3-5 month tour with no breaks:( my boyfriend and I have been talking about marriage and went and looked at rings and everyone has been dropping hints about a proposal..... I do feel like I need to mention that when my boyfriend and I first got together he was not in a band.... He was on his way to a normal life of 9-5 lol.... Then we talked about music and he said he was done pursuing the professional life of music. I then proceeded to tell him to never let go of his dream so after I left his house that night i said a prayer for him that if he is suppose to be in the industry that it happens. Well 3 days later my boyfriend calls me to tell me the good news that a band that calls him and wants him and the bands actually serious and they are being looked at by major record companies. So here I am writing u. Like you I have been very supportive and experienced almost everything u have written in your blog. I never would Have thought in a million yrs that we would be here now. But What is becoming hard for me is that I'm worried this tour may come between us.... Do you have any tips on keeping our relationship strong while he is on tour? Thank you for your time!
-future bigtime musicians girlfriend
Future-
No, no tips. Hubby is in bands on and off, but they are all local, so the closest he has come to "touring" was that long weekend, once, a few years ago.
You should join gigwidows.com. It's a community for wives 7 girlfriends of musicians, and a lot of them are in your boat. Gotta warn you, though, it is not always a positive place. Women get lonely.
Thank u very much! You officially have a follower for life! God bless!!!!
I wish my life as a musician's wife was like your post... going to gigs, helping the band, having a good time and so... But my husband hardly takes me to his shows and when he does he is so busy that I have to party myself. I'm with bandwife over there, hating the lonely nights and weekends...
You are very right, Natacha--women in our position have to "make our own fun" because our Men are busy and absorbed. Not always great.
yeahIm along with all of the last above wives/girlfriends my bf is in a band and I usually dont get a chance to go on gigs, when he is local its hard to get in cuz Usually high profile ppl attend and hes very busy preping his insrtument for before performance and then breaking down instrument after his performances. Oh yeah and when he leaves on tour its usually a month to 3 months with Maybe one break in between and its gets so lonely cuz its like u have ur boo with u almost everyday of the week besides practice time but thats fine cuz even though hes doing that he still is in your Presence...oh yeah and a few times when he stayed in a city for longer than a day he flew me there for those few days and that was great....but for the most part its really Difficult to understand and learn how to Deal with not have ur Boo around all the time....I love that he is a working Trombonist cuz thats a really hard instrument to get Steady gigs so Im happy and proud of that but all in all....its just really hard and now we are close to getting married and starting our family and idk What to expect in the future...he says that he wouldnt want to miss our kids growing up and other important occasions so he wants to gig all over until those days come and then he wants to teach or/and join a local band...but Im a little suspect of that only cuz its his Passion to travel and play in different cities, and my concern is will he really Ever turn down a really good Tour....now I wouldnt want him too at this point in my life but there are some uncertainties and my questions are not really being answered by him cuz he feels Everything is Everything and Everything will work out okay....Anyways I love my man and I have faith that we will be alright....
Gem-
Yeah, you never know what the future will hold, and you never know what you will think about it until it arrives. I know a lot of us wives & girlfriends have times when the band issues are OK, and times when we can't.listen.to.one.more.second. of band drama. Days when we wish they would quit the band they're in, or hook up with some other musician. Times when, yeah, they are not around or they ARE around but they are all but useless because they are exhausted or absorbed in their own life and the life of the band. It is a lot to contemplate. Loving a musician is not simple!
Christine, This is my first time on this blog and your last comment has struck a serious chord with me. My family as well as my husband's don't seem to understand all the sacrifice that comes with being a musician and musician's wife and that, well, when we do have days where we're both home and functioning, we don't want to always share that time with anyone else besides each other and our children.
I am the bookkeeper of the band and the researcher for venues and starting to delve into the sales and marketing of the band to organizations, clubs, agencies, etc.
I'm 32 weeks pregnant with #3 and this is the first time I have to have a back up plan since hubby is touring two weeks the month before I'm due, and a very mini weeklong US tour the week I'm due.
I wish the pay were better so I didn't have to work, but at least I have a job I can bring the kids with me. One bonus of having a musician husband, he's home with the kids when I work most of the time.
What a wonderful blog. I too happened to be married to one of those music men that when they were younger did pretty well for himself. Read, charts and produces his own wonderful music and, yes! speaks about the state of the music industry. I love him and yes i probably could do better all by myself, financially, however, i married him for better and for worse. All the girls that come to our studio, writing on his FB, friedns before me an all that, isn't always an easy thing to deal with, and we did have to go through a few years of lessons on how to make someone feel secure. He graduated with vivid colors! 8 grandchildren and 16 years later! He's my man and i m committed and, we're in it to win it! I made it clear years ago that i m true to my commmitment and, i ain't going NO WHERE! I believe that a music man's wife has to be strong in conviction and in mind n spirit! Once he recognizes that and KNOWS THAT...it's locked!
I've supported my husband for 5 years for his musician business. I pay his music studio, our apartment rent, and all other living fees. I cook, wash dishes and iron for him every day.
He plays in bars and pubs every weekday. I just want to see him play ONCE! He doesn't even take me to any pub once a year! Every time, I say I want to see him play. He got very angry. He kicks stuff around the house. He bangs doors. He throws stuff. He curses. He is like a mad man. He gets very violent. He strongly refuses me to go. He says I threaten him. All these stuff just happens 10 minutes ago again. Is it normal?
Want to vent about groupies? here ya go -
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Music-Wives-Dish-on-What-Groupies-are-Really-Like/168233936621736
1.You will hug your hubby after any show.... no matter how sweaty, gross and tour smelly he is.
2. Every time your man plays you fall in love with him just a little more
And I feel you after 3 weeks of dating hubby left for a 4 week Europe tour. That phone bill was WAY TOO MUCH!
http://punkrockwifeandmom.wordpress.com
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